The Rebirth
Following a lengthy period of deep un-fulfillment, I found myself on a mission to identify the cause of this underlying feeling that there had to be more to life than the one I was living. In spite of being an entrepreneur of 20 years, having a beautiful home in the suburbs, two luxury vehicles, top designer wardrobe, lovely family and friends, country club membership, lots of toys and gadgets, great health, decent looks, and a wonderful dog name Blu, there was a tornado of unhappiness that took up residence deep within my soul.
Now I was born into a family of very strong minded parents and they raised me on the concept of "mind over matter." That mindset carried me through so many years in life, but for some reason, it was no longer working. There were times I could get rejuvenated by a weekend retreat of reading my favorite self-help books and listening to music on the beach, but the rejuvenation was short-lived, as if I left it there on the beach. Even traveling to exotic places to connect with nature, a favorite past time that was sure to cure my ills, no longer did the trick.
Annual visits to the doctor seemed to reveal that I was depressed, at least based on a ten question questionnaire that said I was depressed if I answer yes to just 1 out 10 questions. Questions like, (1) Do you have trouble getting up in the morning? (2) Have you lost interest in some of your favorite things? (3) Do you have trouble sleeping at night? (4) Do you binge eat? Gee whiz, I thought, who doesn't? I was amazed at how eager my doctor was willing to prescribe an antidepressant based on answers to such a questionnaire. For many years, I declined the offer. "Thanks, but no thanks" I would say. I just knew that I was not depressed. For what? Everything was going so well in my life, I had so many of the material trappings, but something was missing. What was it?
Well, that deep sense of un-fulfillment began to intensify and one of my favorite quotes "If you always do what you always did, then you always get what you always got." literally got me to thinking that perhaps I was in denial about being depressed. So I went to my doctor to request the antidepressant, because it was time to do something different and I accepted the antidepressant for that reason alone. I still knew deep in my soul that I was not depressed, but I had to try something.
When I got the prescription, I decided to visit the pharmacy near my doctor's office. I wasn't ready to have my regular pharmacist fill this prescription. I wanted it to be my little secret. It was a very small family-owned pharmacy and the pharmacist was a mature Asian woman. I handed her the prescription without eye contact, then out of the blue,, she uttered the words, "You no need this!" I turned around to see who she was talking to, but there was no one behind or around me. I looked at her and replied, "Are you talking to me?" I will never forget her words. She said, "Look at you, you are beautiful! This is no good for you!" I looked at her, replied "okay" and turned around to walk out of the pharmacy, without my antidepressants! I chalked it up to be divine intervention and confirmation of my initial belief.
Unfortunately, now I was back to the drawing board. I decided it was time to change doctors, since his only solution seemed to be to pump me up with drugs. A visit with my new doctor revealed that I was REALLY low on a few hormones. Aha, that was it! I finally found a physical condition to explain it all. Now all I had to do was replace those hormones, and voila! I'd be back on the block. The new hormones did the trick for a while, but those heavy feelings returned with a vengeance.
I finally had to reach out to a friend to let him know that I was in trouble and needed his help. I poured out my heart about how I was feeling and that I needed him to help restore my motivation to get out of the bed and take charge of my life! He did, but I knew he couldn't do that forever. I was reading all the right self-help books. I was living a life so clean, I do not believe that I committed any sins during this time in my life. So what was wrong???
Then one day while pouring my heart out, once again, to my dearest friend, he said "Try Jesus." I can remember where I was when he uttered those words. My response was "okay." However, I already believed in God and Jesus, so what was there to try? I blessed my food before I ate, when things went wrong, I pleaded for help, when things went well, I thanked God, I watched and prayed with Joel Osteen most Sundays, I said the Lords Prayer at bedtime sometimes, and I had the 10 commandments down to a science!
But it was something about those words "Try Jesus" that stuck with me. After arriving home, I put away all of my self-help books, and started downloading audio books. The first book I downloaded was an audio version of the Bible. Then every book I downloaded thereafter was about how to get closer to God, how to pray, etc. I became fascinated with and immersed in reading the Bible and started practicing the things I learned.
I began to seek God's guidance in everything and would ask for "signs" to let me know that he was there and to guide me in the direction he wanted me to go. I would also let him know what I wanted, why I wanted it and to let me know if he also wanted that for me. I asked for "signs" to confirm that I was on the right track.
Then with tremendous clarity, I would hear his voice in the form of thoughts telling me to do things, some which I replied, "Really?" Some of the things I had to do were difficult because of ego, but I knew that I had to be obedient. Whenever, I obeyed his guidance, I was rewarded beyond my wildest dreams.
Months passed and one day I came to a sudden realization that those deep feelings of un-fulfillment no longer occupied any space within my mind, body or soul. I could not tell you the day those feelings went away or when was the last time I had even spoke of these feelings. I no longer worried about things that used to trouble me. My friend noticed it too. What a miracle! It was then that I came to the realization that I was being "called" and that the missing void in my life was a relationship with God and his son Jesus!
When we are being called by God to do something, our soul will become so restless. If we do not answer the call, our lives will spin in a downward spiral. The change in me was swift and God gave me so many "signs" to let me know he was there and he rewarded me with experiences that only he could provide, and at every turn, I was calling friends and family to testify!
The Blessing
One day I saw a golf tournament advertised on Facebook. What caught my attention was that this tournament appeared to be a Radio One Golf Tournament and the promotional page featured a picture of a guy named Ron Thompson. Now that it was crystal clear what I was supposed to do at this time in my life, I thought this would be the ideal tournament to participate in. That is, until I saw that it was 3 hours away and I did not know a soul attending the tournament, nor anyone I should invite to a tournament that far away!
However, I sought guidance from God and soon registered for the tournament. I noticed that a Facebook friend, Kevin Carter, was going to be in attendance, so I thought okay, at least I will know of someone. I say "of someone" because I never met this Facebook friend in person.
I arrived at the hotel the evening before the golf tournament and ran into my Facebook friend, Kevin. He was with his golf buddies and the tournament coordinator, Lady Deanna. I joined them for dinner and ended up meeting world-renowned gospel artist, Byron Cage. However, I didn't know who Byron was and it didn't matter, we all had a great time.
The morning of the golf tournament, I decided to visit the putting green to practice putting. Next thing you know, I see this guy approaching the putting green and he resembled that Ron Thompson from Radio One, who was on the golf tournament promotion. This was the guy that God told me to drive three hours to meet and it's just me and him on the practice putting green!
Immediately, I heard God's voice tell me to go over and introduce myself and let him know that I want to get into radio. I hesitated at first, but immediately went over to him and said "Hi, Ron Thompson? My name is Patricia Terrell, and I want to get into radio." I was floored by Ron's response. He asked "Do you want your own radio show?" All of a sudden words of fear started pouring out of my mouth and I found myself saying "No, no, no, no, no! First, I want to do one-minute wellness segments." I couldn't believe that happened like that, but then Ron said something that left my mouth hanging open so wide.
Ron said "Oh, well I need to introduce you to Byron Cage, who is starting his new radio show and perhaps he will let you do your wellness segments on his show." With my mouth still open wide enough for a bird to fly in a build a nest, I said with utter amazement, "Wow! I met Byron Cage yesterday evening!!!!!" I knew these were not a series of coincidences. I knew that it was God giving me more "signs" and rewarding my obedience.
Within a couple months of meeting Ron and Byron, Ron brought me into the studio at Radio One in Silver Spring, MD to introduce me to Mike Chase, the most incredible Sound Engineer, to record my wellness minute segments. Mike has a very friendly and helpful persona, which made me feel somewhat comfortable in the studio. However, Mike challenged that comfort because he had an intern in the studio EVERY time I recorded my segments. Mike had no idea how nervous this made me, because I'd never done this before, and now I had to do it with people watching me? Now I understand why the interns had to be there because now I have guests in the studio while hosting the show.
Still within a couple months of meeting Ron and Byron, my first one-minute wellness segment aired on the Byron Cage Show. Byron's show airs every Sunday, from 12 noon to 4 pm, on Praise 104.1. The first time I heard my wellness minute on the air, I jumped up and down like a baby! I sent Byron a "Thank You" text and Byron's response read "This is only the beginning..." I had no idea at the time what those words meant and I'm sure neither did Byron. However, now I know that it was yet another way that God was speaking to me and showing me a "sign."
After several months of recording my wellness segments, I spoke to Ron about getting work in radio so that I can get some experience. Ron must have misunderstood what I was asking because he asked me if I was ready for my own show and offered to introduce me to Karen Jackson of Radio One, who would explain it all to me.
Well, before I knew what hit me, I had signed on the dotted line to have my own radio show! I was floored by how fast this was coming together! Shortly thereafter, fear and doubt started creeping in because I did not have any experience or credentials, nor did I know anything about what it meant to be a talk show host!
Soon it was time to start the show and things began to crumble on my end. The folks at Radio One was ready for the show to begin, but I was nowhere near ready. I was dealing with some situations that could derail my hopes for having my show. I was right at that point of having what I wanted and losing it all at the same time.
After weeks of procrastination and avoidance, I prayed to Jesus for guidance. I was directed to call Karen Jackson and be honest about what I was going through. I knew that was going to be a very difficult call to make, so I called after 5 pm the next day. When I got her voice mailbox, I felt so relieved that I could leave the details and the ball would be in her court to call me back.
Not so fast. When I went to bed that night, the moment I began to doze off, I was awakened with the thought "You did not do what I told you to do." I remember replying that I did call and leave a message. The response was that I was to call and SPEAK with her and to do it first thing in the morning. I agreed.
First thing that next morning, I called Karen Jackson and she answered the phone so chipper and my heart dropped as I began to share my story. By the time I got off the phone with Karen, I was in tears because I had no idea that the conversation would go in the direction that SHE lead it! I knew that God worked through Karen to make a way out of no way and I thanked her for it!
I was now on my way to receiving my blessing. There were no more excuses and no room for fear. This was about to happen and I had to get ready. I asked for God's guidance at every step of the way starting with what to name the show, what music to use, what the first show should be about, what guests to invite, you name it. And my did he deliver.
Thank you Heavenly Father. In Jesus' name. Amen!